Better in America: manners and service
I promised you a serie of posts "Everything is better in America”. It's been a while sinds my first and still only post about museums. Now it's time to talk about manners and service.
In The Netherlands people often say that Americans are shallow or superficial. Maybe some are, but i think most are not. I surely wouldn't call the Americans i know superficial. Far from that! Dutch are as morose and grouchy as Americans appear shallow. An example: when you walk into a typical Dutch store a grouchy employee tries to stare you away, sincere. Enter an average American store and the employee greets you with a smile and a polite ”How are you?”. This may not be as sincere as the grouchy Dutch store attendant, but i like it!
Something else that really struck me when i visited the States for the first time was the repeated use of ”Excuse me”. In crowded areas Dutch start pushing. Hardly anybody asks you to move over when you´re in the way, they just start pushing or sigh and groan. I think that´s so impolite! I really like the American way to say excuse me. Not that it´s my fault somebody is in my way :)
There are other examples of bad manners and service in The Netherlands. You don´t get refills in restaurants, you have to pay to use the toilet almost everywhere and a cloakroom is never free of charge. And finally the Dutch habbit to say "it's not possible", while the truth is the person does not want to do what you request. Dutch service representatives contain within them a microchip pre-programmed to say "not possible" at the slightest provocation. Kevin Lowe wrote a great article about this on Expatica.
You see? Everything is better in America :)
I do use "excuse me" when I want to pass someone. I find that most Dutch are more offended by me saying "excuse me" then if I would just pushed my way through. Odd, isn´t it.
I agree with you here. Since I am an American currently in Holland (Amsterdam) I have to admit the rudeness is unnerving at times. I had some look at me weird on the Tram just now for saying excuse me when trying to get off a very packed tram car. People just push and shove instead of asking for people to move.
Meanwhile, I thought the people in Amsterdam were delightful. I traveled there with a friend on vacation for a week. We made so many friends! To this day, Amsterdam is one of my favorite European countries.
We traveled to Paris after our week in Amsterdam and after 24 hours, were ready to head back north. The people in Amsterdam were much more helpful and friendlier.
Of course, I don't live there - these are just my observations after a week.
I have to agree with you Mala, Dutch are nicer than French, we speak better English and are trustworthy allies :)
Ha I really don't like French :) Sometimes in stores, they refuse to speak English. So you have to ask everything in French. I think this will not happen to you in Paris, they're used to tourists there, but it in country sights you might experiance that!
We had a bad experience in Amsterdam when we visited there when I was 11 (about 17 years ago...). We're Canadians, however my brother was wearing a pair of He-Man, Masters of The Universe sweatpants (OK - give the kid a break - he was, afterall, only 9). We went to a restaurant for dinner, but the staff wouldn't seat us - they told us in English that they had no tables left and that it would be an hour before one became free. However, the employees made a mistake in speaking dutch to each other in front of us - calling us dirty Americans, and saying that they don't want to serve us. Little did they know, that my mother was born and raised in Holland, and can speak Dutch fluently, although she lost her accent many years before. She explained to them kindly (in Dutch) that we were not American, and that we were Canadian and that she originally was from the Netherlands. We ended up with a free dinner and the best table in the place. Still, to this day, I often wonder - why did it matter if we were American or Canadian or Dutch?
take it from an American living in the Netherlands: Americans are, in fact, shallow and/or superficial. Not all of them, but most of them. Sad, but true.
Friendly, if you impress them the right way? oh, yes.
Generous, if your cause strikes their fancy?--yes.
But able to think through the consequences of their actions? No, generally, unfortunately no.
You should indeed go live in the US and find out for yourself--but in addition to things you love there (and there are plenty), there will be things you hate or that frighten you. Anyone who imagines that crime is bad in Europe hasn't spent a day in America. The violent crime rates are unbelievable by standards of the rest of the civilized world.
So definitely go, and I wish you the very best, but still don't cut off your ties to the land you know best. Have a place to return to if perchance you wake up from your dream.
Hey Eric, i've been reading you weblog after you commented on my weblog. It's funny to read that you notice some of the same differences as we do in your post: Passing for Dutch. Out goal is indeed to live in the US and find out. Just like you probably, we want to change our point of view of the country we grew up in and the world we live in. What better way to do that then live somewhere else for a while, or maybe for ever. But you're right, we won't burn our bridges behind us.